Do not mention rice and beef and wheat monkey-brain is an African’s cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs and all manner of game meat. Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat. The continent is full of deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your reader doesn’t care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and evocative and unparticular. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book. Don’t get bogged down with precise descriptions. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates. It’s hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress. An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these. Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. Subtitles may include the words “Zanzibar,” “Masai,” “Zulu,” “Zambezi,” “Congo,” “Nile,” “Big,” “Sky,” “Shadow,” “Drum,” “Sun” or “Bygone.” Also useful are words such as “Guerrillas,” “Timeless,” “Primordial” and “Tribal.” Note that “People” means Africans who are not black, while “The People” means black Africans. Always use the word “ Africa” or “Darkness” or “Safari” in your title.
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